I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
