i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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