omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
What drink are we having for lunch?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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