also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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