Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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