Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
