i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
