I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Randomize
