it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
