I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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