Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
you're hired as official boob wrangler
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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