if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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