i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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