the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
