So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
