PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
