just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
