Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
