I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
