What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
