She said her name was "party"
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
