can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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