I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
