a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
