I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
