Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
