I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
