I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
