i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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