Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
