the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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