Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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