Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
