I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You're a waste of cheezeits
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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