we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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