It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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