I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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