He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
