The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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