I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
