let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She told me I should be a condom model.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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