i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
