My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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