woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
