My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
