Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
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