omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
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