He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
