his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
