shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Randomize
