he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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