Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
