for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
