I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
