you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
