I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
