Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
