i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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