Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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