just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
