Why are handjobs necessary in class?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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