I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just forgot I was standing up.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
