so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
false alarm. still invincible.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
