thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
