I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
