The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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