i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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